The 1980s... take 2. Or 3.

For some reason, 2014 was a year that a number of my old favorites (or at least names I was interested in) came back to the fore with albums.  This is their third, fourth, fifth comeback... you lose track when you realize you thought some these groups were old in 1993.  As you'd imagine, several of these groups have aged better than others.

• Billy Idol - Kings and Queens of the Underground.  I saw a Guitar Centers Session with Billy, who is still going strong after reuniting with guitarist Steve Stevens in 2005 (after essentially a 20 year split). Perhaps being in a audience-less studio threw him for a loop, as aside from "Rebel Yell," the performance for the first 45 minutes felt a bit old and tired (even on "Dancing with Myself").  Then came one of his new songs, "Postcards from the Past" -- he attacked it.  I got chills.  He was back in the moment:  you saw that glimpse of Billy Idol from 1983.  Based on that alone, I had to get the album.  Trevor Horn's production is great, and the album plays like a confessional.  Yes, his higher vocal range is pretty much shot, but it's fun listen.  I'll take off my snob blinders, sit back and enjoy.  Stevens is still a great player.  Verdict:  he's not reinventing the genre, but it's fun.  "Postcards" is clearly the highlight here.  Portable CD Case.

Billy Idol - "Postcards from the Past"

• Enuff Z'Nuff - Covered in Gold.  TC once called these guys the "Bon Jovi of the 90s"... which obviously did not come to pass.  But they should not be discounted:  they have created some great albums over the years and recorded some phenomenal music in relative obscurity.  This is a covers album, and some are quite good.  Covering a combination of "She Sells Sanctuary," "When Doves Cry," and "Tears of a Clown" is just the level of insanity that (based on principle alone) I must endorse.  Oh and did I mention the cover of "Believe It or Not" (the theme from The Greatest American Hero)?  Unreal.  Verdict:  Portable CD Case.

Enuff Z'Nuff - "When Doves Cry"

• Roddy Frame - Seven Dials.  Imagine you are Roddy Frame:  at 18, you write High Land, Hard Rain (under the band name Aztec Camera), only to spend the next 12 years failing to live up to that debut, then dropping that band name to do albums under your own name, then spending another 20 years still chasing that original brilliance as a solo artist.  And, unfortunately, failing.  I really feel bad for the guy, but Roddy's fourth solo album, while sunny in disposition, just makes me want to pick up and listen to the remastered, 30th anniversary version of High Land, Hard Rain.  Verdict:  "Postcard," "Into the Sun," and "On the Waves" save this from the Pile of Death.  Sorry, Roddy.

Roddy Frame - "Postcard"

• Night Ranger - High Road.  When I start a review with a comparison to "Winger" or "Great White," that's not a good sign.  They sound a little raw vocally.  "High Road" and particularly "Don't Live Here Anymore" (except for the drawn out finish) are great, and "I'm Coming Home" is good; but other than that, my guess is I will have to go back to the second of their three comeback albums (2011's Somewhere in California) to really get the true 80s throwback experience from this band.  One positive:  lyrically, they do seem stuck in adolescence. So there's that.  Verdict:  Sell-back 1.

Night Ranger - "Don't Live Here Anymore"

• Tesla - Simplicity.  Since their 2004 return, Tesla has released two albums of covers, and now two additional albums of original music.  To be blunt, they sound great.  It's pretty amazing that they have retained their blues/rock edge, but it's still there.  This one is a great driving album, which starts introverted, but picks up objectivity and steam with "Rise and Fall" and "So Divine."  Sure, there are some lulls, but overall this is a fun throwback listen.  Verdict:  Portable CD Case.

Tesla - "So Divine..."

- Snilch

It's a Roundup!

Yes indeed folks -- we call these the Barry R. Memorial posts, as they are bunch of a bunch of his favorite type of music reviews:  historical ones.  These are all grouped into one handy bundle, looking back across the last 50 years of music, minus the most recent two to three years.  This is what you get for free, Barry!

So, while listening to 2013, 2014, and 2015 music (for these end of year reviews), I still managed to find time to sneak in these albums (as well as the reviews that will be appearing in the coming days).

In alphabetical order:

• Abraham, Inc. - Tweet Tweet (2009).  As mentioned here, I had a bunch of reviews lost in one terrible blogging accident.  This was one of the casualties -- I think this is the third time I've tried to review the album (sorry for the wait, Ryan).  Despite the blog PTSD, I will bravely forge ahead.  A "collective" album with eclectic mix of lead vocalists, this jazz-rock-electronic-hiphop amalgamation is (on paper) something that is destined for either absolute greatness or total failure.  In this case, it's brilliant.  They even throw in a little organ fill ala The Roots on "Trombonik."  (As an aside, fans of The Roots will LOVE this.) As such a fusion would suggest, it's not just a single note:  it's challenging yet still accessible, edgy while remaining poppy.  They do not spare their uncompromising lyrical attitude, and yet they still seem mostly based in pop.  CD Placement Rating:  Car iPod.

• Aldo Nova - A Portrait of Aldo Nova (1991).  It was so cheap, I had to give this a shot, even though my snarky first thought on seeing this greatest hits compilation was that it should be a one-song single.  Sometimes I hate being right.  CD Placement Rating:  I already owned "Fantasy," so Pile of Death.

• Arcwelder - Entropy (1996).  This Minneapolis grunge or post-grunge band is very decent but not spectacular.  It may be more your cup of tea as opposed to mine.  But the highlights ("Snake Oil," "I Promise Not to be an Asshole") are great, groove-filled jams.  CD Placement Rating:  CD Rack.

• The Automatic - This is a Fix (2008).  This took me years to track down as an import.  It's more solid overall that their debut, but lacks the top-end punch (and the over-the top voice of Alex Pennie) from that album.  Nice across the board without any real standout songs.  CD Placement Rating:  CD Rack.

• Bad Religion - Stranger than Fiction (1994).  Bubba convinced me to give this album a shot after previous failed attempts to get into this band.  Initially, I thought this album fell into the usual complaint I have with Bad Religion albums:  a few great song, but an uneven album.  A listen in the headphones revealed something different; this is finally a BR album I can get behind.  Very solid from front to back, with many individual song highlights to boot.  CD Placement Rating:  Portable CD Case.

• Golden Earring - Bloody Buccaneers (1994).  Long-time readers will recall my fondness for this band, and for some odd reason I decided to take one more bite of the apple.  Bottom line, like all the other Golden Earring offerings, it's just not as good as The Hole.  I'm beginning to think that The Hole was a brilliant one-off, and while the other albums have bits and pieces of greatness, none are whole-cloth strong offerings.  This one is okay.  It's my last foray into this band, unless I find Cut (the one with "Twilight Zone"), which has remained surprisingly elusive. CD Placement Rating:  I'll keep "Temporary Madness," "Planet Blue," "Pourin' My Heart Out Again," and "In a Bad Mood." Sell-back Pile 1.

• The Delusions - I Hope It Dies on a Sunny Day (1998).  My obsessive interest in this band remains a mystery even to me.  They were a solid opener for Built to Spill over a few years of live shows, with occasional moments of perfection; they were always on the verge of something sublime, but eventually fell just slightly short.  This is very decent, but has a low ceiling, which probably is "Disabled at the Beach."  Like, not love.  I think we can only be friends, but I think you'll make someone very happy.  Someone else, that is.  CD Placement Rating:  CD Rack.

• Failure - Tree of Stars EP (2014).  While not the biggest or the most influential release of the year, this was (for me at least) the most important release of 2014.  Why?  Because after the four live tracks, one of my all-time favorite bands created its first new song together in 15+ years... which also means they will be recording a new album!  The live tracks are decent, the new song is okay, but that doesn't matter:  I'll always associate this EP with that joy of Failure's return, so it will always put me back to that moment of happiness.  I'll keep it forever.  CD Placement Rating:  CD Rack.

• Ladyfinger (ne) - Dusk (2009).  This is actually one of the toughest albums I've ever had to review.  I've picked it up and put it down a number of times over the last six years.  I've found that when I listen to this album for the first time in a while, I really like it.  But after a second or third listen I get "listening fatigue" -- it's like the music wears off.  Very odd.  The elements were all there, but something was killing long-term enjoyment here for me.  A final review (loud, with some really good headphones) revealed the very good, possibly great album I'd heard hints of before.  No fatigue this time; they even remind me of a heavier Les Savy Fav (particularly vocally and lyrically) at points.  So I'll move it back up from Sell-back 1.  CD Placement Rating:  I guess it has to be Portable CD Case.  No matter what, "A.D.D." and "Little Things" hold up over time.

• Social Distortion - Live at the Roxy (1998).  Captured in 1996 from the White Light, White Heat, White Trash tour, this is a great snapshot of a live band on top of their game.  Oddly, it holds together better as an album:  it's a total blur in its entirety, but the individual tracks don't really stand out on their own.  It's punk rockabilly at its best, an onslaught that just keeps coming.  Best listened to prior to fighting local toughs, or when caffeine is needed but not readily available.  The only downsides are the odd beginning and end, and the occasional misogynistic comments from frontman Mike Ness.  The liner notes are fantastic.  CD Placement Rating:  Car iPod.

• Tears for Fears - Shout:  The Very Best of Tears for Fears (2001).  Reputed to be the "best" of the TFF compilations, Moira got this one for me and it has not let me down.  Even better in the headphones; all the hits are here.  Getting the US Remix of "Mother's Talk" is the key, although any excuse I have to listen to "Shout" is worth the time.  They were/are soooo good!  Only complaint with this is there is too much non-Curt Smith TFF, but even those songs are decent at worst.  CD Placement Rating:  Portable CD Case.

• Tesla - Into the Now (2003).  That Metal Show strikes again.  TC got me into these guys back in the day (I still can't listen to Mechanical Resonance and not think of Die Hard, the No-girlfriendo, and Walpole, MA) and I've always found them to be a cut above most of the hair bands of the era.  I saw Frank Hannon on TMS -- and he gave an amazing performance.  They mentioned a comeback album, and I was suckered in.  From the first track ("Into the Now"), it's classic Tesla; if you told me "What a Shame" or "Recognize" was a b-side from 1988, I'd buy it.  It's bluesy classic rock meets indie garage rock.  (With some record scratching thrown in, which is odd but somehow not out of place.)  Sure, it tails off a bit after the first four songs, but, In general, this album is simply ridiculously infectious.  CD Placement Rating:  Car iPod.

• Van Halen - The Best of Both Worlds (2004).  If you're going to own a Best of Van Halen album, I'd recommend this with one caveat to the producers of this album:  you cannot include "(Oh) Pretty Woman" without "Intruder."  No exceptions.  (Having a Sammy Hagar-fronted live versions of "Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Love," "Panama," and "Jump" are lesser offenses, but mistakes nonetheless.)  Otherwise, this is a fun 2-CD set, only needed for those who own Van Halen I and nothing else.  (Like yours truly.  Okay, maybe I own Diver Down as well.)  CD Placement Rating:  CD Rack.  But a great, entertaining couple of discs for a drive.

- Snilch

14 Reviews for 2014: #14 -- It's a Roundup!

Surprise!  I haven't done one of these for quite a while... I feel like I am overdue.

I'm also going to introduce new ratings systems where appropriate here.  I hope you will enjoy.  (Editor's note:  he really does not care either way.)

• Boise Cover Band - Unoriginal Artists (recorded in 2003, released in 2007).  Doug Martsch of Built to Spill put this group together.  I liked their cover of The Pretenders "Chain Gang," which is an instrumental.
  Verdict:  Using the "Yes/No" rating system, I'm going to give this one a solid "No."  (If you need further details on the nuances of this ratings system, please feel free to Comment or contact me offline.  Based on your confusion, however, I'm guessing you probably can't figure out how to do either.  But rest assured, that makes you no less valued as a reader.  And yes, I'm looking right at you, Bubba.)

• The Call - Into the Woods (1987).  Thanks to Scott, a band I've always been intrigued by but never investigated makes its way into my collection.  Is this The Call album I've always imagined I'd hear?  Great guitar, and of course, synths, synths, synths.  A very solid rock album with solid bass lines; it's a little 1980s Golden Earring-esque.  (And I MAY like Golden Earring.)  But then -- "Too Many Tears" happens.  It's on the level of "Everywhere I Go," which is high praise when you consider that I still enjoy that song after 25 years.  It's a lost classic:  epic pain, rage, and hope all combined into a strong man's rock package.
  Verdict:  "Yes."  (Not a lot of nuance with this rating system, come to think of it.)

• J Church - The Precession Of Simalacra - The Map Preceeds The Territory (1995).  I love me some J Church.  I caught on to them late, but before Lance Hahn passed away.  This one is indie grunge punk in its best simple brilliance as always.  The hooks may not be complex, but they are always catchy.  As always with J Church, there are hits and misses; here (as usual) the good outweighs the bad.
  Verdict:  Using the "Binary" rating system, I'm going to give this one a solid "110011101."  (Hint:  more 1's means I liked the album, more 0's means I didn't.  Hope you like math!) 

• Land of Talk - Applause Cheer Boo Hiss (2005).  Starting out with a hooky open will always get my attention.  These Saddle Creek Favorites are freaking good.  For some reason, when I first listened my notes read:  "I'm wicked pissed I never listened to these guys and gals earlier.  (I have no idea where this is going.)"  (Editor's note:  using the "Binary" rating system, we're going to give this last sentence a solid "0.")  Harmonies and overdubbing of vocals drive this fun rock/pop jamboree -- it's very reminiscent of Pretty Girls Make Graves.  "Speak to Me Bones" and "Summer Special" are great songs highlighting a tremendous album.  It's great music, but the vocals take this to the next level.  Think Edie Brickell combined with Scheer (gritty with great vocals).  A quintessential college/coming of age album, this (much to Mrs. Snilch Report's dismay) is going to inspire me to pursue their entire catalog.
  Verdict:  1111001111.

• Social Distortion - Hard Times and Nursery Rhymes (2011).  Southern California's punk icons are back, for the second time without founding member Dennis Danell, who passed away in 2000.  It's taken 15 years to produce two albums since the 1996 offering White Light, White Heat, White Trash, and this album is clearly a departure for them.  With fuller, more traditional arrangements (and, much to Matz's dismay, female backing vocals), this is much more an attempt at blues/rock or rockabilly/soul than at punk.  It's odd from the beginning:  starting the album with an instrumental that stands alone, followed by a cover is really odd, and honestly doesn't work.  "Machine Gun Blues" and "Alone & Forsaken" are highlight songs.  In the end, it's not bad, it's not not good, and it's not particularly memorable.
  Verdict:  110011001111001000111011010011110101010000011010100111010101000011.

• Spiritualized - Sweet Heart Sweet Light (2012).  Thanks to Andrew for this recommendation.  This is sweet (not sure where I got that adjective from) trance-like music that washes over you like a gentle spring rain.  Its lyrics, meanwhile, are actually a bit dark, which (to me at least) makes a great contrast.  I'd describe this as  "oddly laid back cacophony."
  Verdict:  Enough math; let's get more artistic.  And what could be more wicked artistic than colors?  (Editor's note:  "0.")  So I'm going to give this a rating of "yellow-green."

• Guns N' Roses - Live Era '87-'93 (1999).  One of the big points that Slash made in his autobiography is how important and treasured live albums were to him.  Thus, he said, Live Era '87-'93 was an album he really treasured putting out.  I'm not sure why.  The pretentious "Recorded Across the Universe Between 1987 and 1993" should have been a warning shot across the bow.  But, much like the idiot in the horror movie who insists on investigating that noise rather than call the authorities, I decided to move forward. The versions do not feel inspired or have that extra punch of live energy you'd expect.  "Nightrain" is bad, but the version of "Mr. Brownstone" so eviscerates the original that somewhere Jimbo is gasping for air like his twin just lost his kidney.  "It's So Easy"?  Awful.  "Welcome to the Jungle?"  Awful.  The low-tempo version of "You're Crazy?"  Awful.  Amy's favorite, "Rocket Queen?"  Awful.  "Knockin' on Heaven's Door?"  "Patience?"  The 12:30 version of "November Rain?"  Awful, awful, awful.  For God's sake... my favorite, "Sweet Child O' Mine?"  Nope, awful.  One last chance... the closer, "Paradise City."  Awful.  Awful, awful, awful, awful, awful. awful, awful.  The one word I'd use to describe this album is (of course) "terrible."
  Verdict:  I'll give this a solid "red" (as in "avoid" or as in "I am still seeing").

• Sun Dial - Reflector (1992).  Sun Dial is an interesting project, with albums often widely varying in approach (Andrew and Mark will remember "Believe in the Spaceman" from a few years ago).  The title track "Reflector" leads off -- and it's an epic rawk track.  This may be their second best album (next to 1990's Other Way Out, which Mojo went as far to call "The greatest unheard psychedelic album ever"), which is high praise.  This is a heavy album without being too heavy, and epic while remaining grounded.  There's a great base of sound here, combined with great hooks and great harmonies.  It's a very persistent album.
  Verdict:  I'll give this a "brilliant yellow" (like the sun - get it?).

• Weezer - Raditude (2009).  As The Red Album was Weezer's best since Pinkerton, it's time to take them off the "avoid" list and see if this was a one-off brilliance or a turning point.  Sure, "I'm Your Daddy" is paint by numbers classic Weezer, but if you make a great chicken fried steak, you should serve chicken fried steak.  In this case, I am happy to eat the same thing all the time.  "Put Me Back Together" may have a little Kill Hannah in it, but I like that band too.
  Verdict:  I'll give this a "blue-green" (like their album cover colors).  (Editor's note:  yes, we realize the "Color" rating started out based on a traffic-light type of system, then somehow became the sun, and now means basically nothing.  So Spiritualized and Weezer are Portable CD Case, Guns N' Roses is Pile of Death, and Sun Dial is Car CD Changer.  And for those who are too lazy to (i.e., can't) add, that number for Social D came out to "1," which means it is a CD Rack album.  We'll be back to our regularly scheduled program next time.)

- Snilch

Teachable Historical Moments

This is a bit off the beaten path, but today's lesson is in history, as told to us by the bards.  You have to love it when our musicians try to teach us about the Merrimac and the Monitor, Amelia Earhart, or why Kenny G sucks.  Plus, we all know history students don't have any practical use for their majors, so this will make them feel like their education wasn't a complete waste.


Honorable mentions:  there are too many to include here.  (Seriously, I had 27 songs that did not make the cut.  I started to list them all out, but that made this interminably long post twice as long.)


Here are my favorites.  ("Favorites" being defined as what I wrote down/found in my music collection in the last week since I came up with this idea.  Very scientific.)

1. Tesla - "Edison's Medicine." (1991)  The band named themselves after Nikita Tesla for some reason; it seemed like just a cool band name from an 80's metal act until their 1991 release.  Lyrics addressed to Edison such as "My jury finds you'll be doing time/When you go straight to hell" make it clear that the band is surprisingly passionate about their namesake.  Historical lesson:  1) "They'll sell you on Marconi/Familiar but a phony."  2) Nikita Tesla:  "(They) thought you was crazy/You was one of a kind...All along, world was wrong. You was right."  3) Band Tesla:  they give a pretty good historical diss.  Yes, they clearly skipped grammar in school (or as they call it, "twelve years of hard time"), but they did not skip the School of Hard Rawk.
2. Caroline's Spine - "Sullivan." (1997)  This song tells the story of the five Sullivan brothers, who enlisted in the Navy in 1942 on the condition that they all serve together.  The Navy complied, putting them all on the USS Juneau.  It did not end well; in the battle of Guadalcanal, their ship sank and all five brothers were killed.  This led directly to the policy that separates family members in the military and protects sole family survivors from service.  Historical lesson:  the song tells the story of the family tragedy eloquently, and I learned that "turning your blue star to gold" meant that your child had passed away.  It's a well-told story with the emotional component intact.
3. Morrissey - "Irish Blood, English Heart." (2004)  Now, I could have picked about twelve different Morrissey solo or Smiths songs, but I'm partial to this one.  It's both personally and historically reflective.  Describing his "Irish blood, English heart" immediately announces his heritage and nationality; singing "I've been dreaming of a time when/To be English is not to be baneful/To be standing by the flag not feeling shameful, racist or partial" announces that he won't be accepting it all with a blind eye.  It's Morrissey at his best:  both literate and indignant.  He acknowledges his context while presenting his bonafides, then delivers the barbed, pointed conclusion.  Historical lesson:  "I've been been dreaming of a time when/The English/Are sick to death of Labour/And Tories/And spit upon the name Oliver Cromwell/And denounce this royal line that still salutes him/And will salute him forever."  Well, that about sums it up.
4. Les Savy Fav - "The Year Before the Year 2000." (2007)  This speaks to some recent history; as you might imagine, they're a bit condescending towards the "sky is falling" crowd.  "If you fear, my dear, the end is near/Please do check your frontal hemisphere."  Well said.  Historical lesson:  after the obligatory "I told you so" about Y2K, Les Savy Fav draws an interesting conclusion:  there's something that was great about thinking the world was about to end, and something very disconcerting about the seemingly endless vista of time in front of us.  "Everybody, please keep trying/Trying to party like it's 1999/Even though we've got so much time/We gotta spend it like it's 1999."  Didn't think it was going that way, did you?  Very well done, fellas.
5. Paul Hardcastle - "19." (1985)  Classic.  Summary:  "In World War II the average age of the combat soldier was 26/In Vietnam he was 19."  This song has a lot facts and figures, lots of different voices, and a beat you can dance to, all about that little conflict in Vietnam.  Some will tell you their favorite line was the vet saying, "I wasn't really sure what was going on"; I've always been partial to the female chorus:  "All those who remember the war/They won't forget what they've seen/Destruction of men in their prime/Whose average age was 19."  It takes a lot of guts to try and pull off the "average age" line when:  1) you're carrying the only true singing part in the song; 2) you're trying to state a fact -- musically; and 3) you're trying to make this sound as if people are walking around actually talking like this.  (It's part of the song's charm.)  Historical lesson:  none of them received a hero's welcome.
6. Culture Club – "I’ll Tumble 4 Ya." (1982)  Just checking to see if you’re still reading.
7. Richard Thompson - "Alexander Graham Bell."  (2003) I learned that Bell had 50 inventions other than the telephone – including x-rays, faxes, and respirators.  And that he laid the groundwork for television.  Historical lesson:  “Edison was a thief, Tesla nuts beyond belief.”  (Edison takes it on the chin quite a bit, doesn't he?)   You'll learn a lot in 3 minutes and 23 seconds - it's literate, clever, and informative.  (Thompson has a ton of such songs, including  “My Daddy Was a Mummy,” "The Story of Hamlet," and “Madonna’s Wedding.”  “Dad’s Gonna Kill Me,” a reference to Bagdad, is a future history lesson.  On a completely unrelated note, here's Thompson covering "Oops!  I Did It Again.")
8. U2 - "Sunday Bloody Sunday." (1983)   A description of the Troubles in Northern Ireland, focusing on the Bloody Sunday incident in Derry.  British troops shot and killed unarmed civil rights protesters and bystanders; Bono got righteous.  Historical lesson:  war sucks, we would prefer to not have it happen again.   Thank you for your consideration.  I'll wave a white flag and yell "No More War!" now.
9. Anthemic Pop Wonder - "How Great Was Hüsker Dü!" (2002)  The answer:  pretty damn good.  Historical lesson:  underappreciated.
10. Nerf Herder - "Mr. Spock." (2002)  This not only vividly describes nerd romantic frustration by using science fiction (which is like trying to teach a dog to do tricks with trigonometry), but also completely summarizes the Star Trek episode "Arena" in the lyrics.  There's a bit about destroying robots as well.  Sci fi geeks will play this for their uncomprehending partners, most of whom are undoubtedly blissfully unaware that said geek considers them a "partner" in the first place.  Historical lesson:  you don't want a boyfriend.  What you want is Mr. Spock.  (See the song here; make sure you play it at 240p.) 
11. Night Ranger - "Sister Christian." (1984)  With its obscurely plausible religious overtones, this song is quite the mystery, especially when delivered by a band that is used to singing songs about drinkin', rockin', and datin'.  Was this "Sister Christian" a nun?  Some historical figure?  Or should we focus on "Christian" -- does her religious choice matter?  Could it be Sister Buddhist?  Sister Hindu?  Sister Agnostic?  Alas... the truth is ultimately far less interesting.  The song was originally called "Sister Christy" and written about the drummer's sister.  Huh.   Well, that sucks.  Historical lesson:  much like the Black Eyed Peas (whose "Let's Get Retarded" anthem about drinking was changed by an ad agency to the "Let's Get It Started" anthem about car commercials), the truth hurts.  Lesson learned:  try not to read too much into Night Ranger's lyrics.
12. Gang of Four - "History's Bunk!"  The message here:  “There are no lessons in the past.”  They're smarter than I am, so I guess we'll leave it at that.  Historical lesson:   you say there are no lessons in the past, but if this is a lesson learned from the past, then you did learn it, but you could not have learned this truth except from the past... illogical! Illogical!  Please explain!  You are human; only humans can explain!  Illogical!  (Head explodes.  This is a basic summary of the Star Trek episode "I, Mudd.")

- Snilch