Kraftwerk - Tour de France Soundtracks (2003)

Thanks to Andrew for this one.  With the Tour de France being over, I figured the best way to combat cycling withdrawal would be with this album, specifically written around the 2003 Tour de France.  It starts with an actual Prologue, Stage 1, Stage 2, and Stage 3... and then it gets more abstract, with songs like "Chrono," "Aero Dynamik," and "Elektro Kardiogramm."  


It's interesting, but ultimately it doesn't capture the event from either the fan or the rider's point of view; it mainly seems to be an exercise in inspiring Kraftwerk to make a typical album with some touches from the event.  In any event, it's a very subtle tribute:  think 90% Kraftwerk, 9% cycling, 1% creepy vocals.  It's a bit monotonous as well, taking 15 minutes in to change the melody.  Perhaps that was their point?


That being said, the last song, "Tour de France" is the highlight of the album:  the vocals make me cringe, but this is actually a very decent representation of the album concept.  And clearly displays this band's love for the event.


CD Placement Rating:  I might quite possibly never listen to this album ever again, but the novelty keeps it in my CD Rack.

Teachable Historical Moments

This is a bit off the beaten path, but today's lesson is in history, as told to us by the bards.  You have to love it when our musicians try to teach us about the Merrimac and the Monitor, Amelia Earhart, or why Kenny G sucks.  Plus, we all know history students don't have any practical use for their majors, so this will make them feel like their education wasn't a complete waste.


Honorable mentions:  there are too many to include here.  (Seriously, I had 27 songs that did not make the cut.  I started to list them all out, but that made this interminably long post twice as long.)


Here are my favorites.  ("Favorites" being defined as what I wrote down/found in my music collection in the last week since I came up with this idea.  Very scientific.)

1. Tesla - "Edison's Medicine." (1991)  The band named themselves after Nikita Tesla for some reason; it seemed like just a cool band name from an 80's metal act until their 1991 release.  Lyrics addressed to Edison such as "My jury finds you'll be doing time/When you go straight to hell" make it clear that the band is surprisingly passionate about their namesake.  Historical lesson:  1) "They'll sell you on Marconi/Familiar but a phony."  2) Nikita Tesla:  "(They) thought you was crazy/You was one of a kind...All along, world was wrong. You was right."  3) Band Tesla:  they give a pretty good historical diss.  Yes, they clearly skipped grammar in school (or as they call it, "twelve years of hard time"), but they did not skip the School of Hard Rawk.
2. Caroline's Spine - "Sullivan." (1997)  This song tells the story of the five Sullivan brothers, who enlisted in the Navy in 1942 on the condition that they all serve together.  The Navy complied, putting them all on the USS Juneau.  It did not end well; in the battle of Guadalcanal, their ship sank and all five brothers were killed.  This led directly to the policy that separates family members in the military and protects sole family survivors from service.  Historical lesson:  the song tells the story of the family tragedy eloquently, and I learned that "turning your blue star to gold" meant that your child had passed away.  It's a well-told story with the emotional component intact.
3. Morrissey - "Irish Blood, English Heart." (2004)  Now, I could have picked about twelve different Morrissey solo or Smiths songs, but I'm partial to this one.  It's both personally and historically reflective.  Describing his "Irish blood, English heart" immediately announces his heritage and nationality; singing "I've been dreaming of a time when/To be English is not to be baneful/To be standing by the flag not feeling shameful, racist or partial" announces that he won't be accepting it all with a blind eye.  It's Morrissey at his best:  both literate and indignant.  He acknowledges his context while presenting his bonafides, then delivers the barbed, pointed conclusion.  Historical lesson:  "I've been been dreaming of a time when/The English/Are sick to death of Labour/And Tories/And spit upon the name Oliver Cromwell/And denounce this royal line that still salutes him/And will salute him forever."  Well, that about sums it up.
4. Les Savy Fav - "The Year Before the Year 2000." (2007)  This speaks to some recent history; as you might imagine, they're a bit condescending towards the "sky is falling" crowd.  "If you fear, my dear, the end is near/Please do check your frontal hemisphere."  Well said.  Historical lesson:  after the obligatory "I told you so" about Y2K, Les Savy Fav draws an interesting conclusion:  there's something that was great about thinking the world was about to end, and something very disconcerting about the seemingly endless vista of time in front of us.  "Everybody, please keep trying/Trying to party like it's 1999/Even though we've got so much time/We gotta spend it like it's 1999."  Didn't think it was going that way, did you?  Very well done, fellas.
5. Paul Hardcastle - "19." (1985)  Classic.  Summary:  "In World War II the average age of the combat soldier was 26/In Vietnam he was 19."  This song has a lot facts and figures, lots of different voices, and a beat you can dance to, all about that little conflict in Vietnam.  Some will tell you their favorite line was the vet saying, "I wasn't really sure what was going on"; I've always been partial to the female chorus:  "All those who remember the war/They won't forget what they've seen/Destruction of men in their prime/Whose average age was 19."  It takes a lot of guts to try and pull off the "average age" line when:  1) you're carrying the only true singing part in the song; 2) you're trying to state a fact -- musically; and 3) you're trying to make this sound as if people are walking around actually talking like this.  (It's part of the song's charm.)  Historical lesson:  none of them received a hero's welcome.
6. Culture Club – "I’ll Tumble 4 Ya." (1982)  Just checking to see if you’re still reading.
7. Richard Thompson - "Alexander Graham Bell."  (2003) I learned that Bell had 50 inventions other than the telephone – including x-rays, faxes, and respirators.  And that he laid the groundwork for television.  Historical lesson:  “Edison was a thief, Tesla nuts beyond belief.”  (Edison takes it on the chin quite a bit, doesn't he?)   You'll learn a lot in 3 minutes and 23 seconds - it's literate, clever, and informative.  (Thompson has a ton of such songs, including  “My Daddy Was a Mummy,” "The Story of Hamlet," and “Madonna’s Wedding.”  “Dad’s Gonna Kill Me,” a reference to Bagdad, is a future history lesson.  On a completely unrelated note, here's Thompson covering "Oops!  I Did It Again.")
8. U2 - "Sunday Bloody Sunday." (1983)   A description of the Troubles in Northern Ireland, focusing on the Bloody Sunday incident in Derry.  British troops shot and killed unarmed civil rights protesters and bystanders; Bono got righteous.  Historical lesson:  war sucks, we would prefer to not have it happen again.   Thank you for your consideration.  I'll wave a white flag and yell "No More War!" now.
9. Anthemic Pop Wonder - "How Great Was Hüsker Dü!" (2002)  The answer:  pretty damn good.  Historical lesson:  underappreciated.
10. Nerf Herder - "Mr. Spock." (2002)  This not only vividly describes nerd romantic frustration by using science fiction (which is like trying to teach a dog to do tricks with trigonometry), but also completely summarizes the Star Trek episode "Arena" in the lyrics.  There's a bit about destroying robots as well.  Sci fi geeks will play this for their uncomprehending partners, most of whom are undoubtedly blissfully unaware that said geek considers them a "partner" in the first place.  Historical lesson:  you don't want a boyfriend.  What you want is Mr. Spock.  (See the song here; make sure you play it at 240p.) 
11. Night Ranger - "Sister Christian." (1984)  With its obscurely plausible religious overtones, this song is quite the mystery, especially when delivered by a band that is used to singing songs about drinkin', rockin', and datin'.  Was this "Sister Christian" a nun?  Some historical figure?  Or should we focus on "Christian" -- does her religious choice matter?  Could it be Sister Buddhist?  Sister Hindu?  Sister Agnostic?  Alas... the truth is ultimately far less interesting.  The song was originally called "Sister Christy" and written about the drummer's sister.  Huh.   Well, that sucks.  Historical lesson:  much like the Black Eyed Peas (whose "Let's Get Retarded" anthem about drinking was changed by an ad agency to the "Let's Get It Started" anthem about car commercials), the truth hurts.  Lesson learned:  try not to read too much into Night Ranger's lyrics.
12. Gang of Four - "History's Bunk!"  The message here:  “There are no lessons in the past.”  They're smarter than I am, so I guess we'll leave it at that.  Historical lesson:   you say there are no lessons in the past, but if this is a lesson learned from the past, then you did learn it, but you could not have learned this truth except from the past... illogical! Illogical!  Please explain!  You are human; only humans can explain!  Illogical!  (Head explodes.  This is a basic summary of the Star Trek episode "I, Mudd.")

- Snilch

Brakes - Give Blood (2005)

Andrew strikes again with a band beginning in the 92nd percentile of the alphabet.  This album is the personification of the drunk at the end of a bar.  (Well, if he were a musician, recorded only when he was mostly coherent, and Scottish.)  


Lyrically, sometimes he's conversational, sometimes a total ripoff of others (like "Hear About Your Band", which sounds like an exact cross of The Silversun Pickups and The Frames).  Sometimes he's very loud and other times eerily quiet.  Sometimes he's capable of imparting incredible insight and humor; other times he simply recites mundane details.  Sometimes you're kept at arms length, other times, he'll mentions the most revealing insight into his life as an aside.  Sometimes he communicates in long diatribes, sometimes in short stacatto outbursts.   He can be the life of the party or the downer that brings everyone down.  Mostly he's alone, but occasionally he'll have a lady friend along.  But there is always an undercurrent of sadness, an inevitability of the weight of reality's yoke that he always slouches under.  (Yes, this description could also apply to The Pogues.)   It's bar rock at its most interesting.

CD Placement Rating:  Car CD Changer.  

What You Would Have Been Listing to in the Early 90's If You Were in School

Okay, I'll admit it:  there are at least three things in that title that are pretentious, assumptive, and/or flat out arrogant.  At least it's not totally self-involved.  That post would be titled something like "What You Would Have Been Listening to in 1992 If You Were at College in the Northeast and Attended One of Our Parties, Including a Mention of Every Roommate I Had at That Fine Institution of Higher Learning."

What You Would Have Been Listening to in 1992 If You Were at College in the Northeast and Attended One of Our Parties, Including a Mention of Every Roommate I Had at That Fine Institution of Higher Learning

I have no shame.

So let's go in order of roommates from freshman to senior year, and reminisce: 

• Jimbo:  Guns 'N Roses - "Sweet Child O' Mine."  Jimbo was a man of planning and action:  he came in with a plan to play Appetite for Destruction at least once, in is entirety, every day our freshman year.   He succeeded.  "Cause worry's a waste of my --- time."  (Per Mr. Brownstone.)

• Mac:  Ziggy Marley - "Tomorrow People."  Sean showed up at school with two music cassettes -- Ziggy Marley and 10,000 Maniacs -- and a Betamax VCR, with a Pete Townsend concert and 2/3 of Trading Places.  (We found out the latter the hard way.)  If you've never heard Mac crooning "Tomorrow Pee-pal" (Ziggy) or "Shiver in Me Bones Just Tinking About the Weathah" (10,000 Maniacs), then you've missed some serious 6'5" Milton (MA) Irish soul.

• Paco:  LL Cool J - "Mama Said Knock You Out."  Paco was into a lot of current rap and hiphop at the time, which helped make the rest of us look a lot more well rounded than our Journey, Night Ranger, and Bon Jovi music collection might imply.  He also had the audacity to buy a glass table for our dorm room, which we somehow managed not to break until we tried to move it into storage at the end of the year.  Don't call it a comeback!

• Jay:  Sinead O'Connor - "Nothing Compares 2 U."  Jay had the best stereo I had ever seen, which I got to try out prior to living with him when a party was thrown on his floor my sophomore year.  For some reason, most of the partygoers decided to hang outside the dorm; Bubba and I took the far more practical route of standing next to the keg and controlling the music.  This was the hot song at the time and sounded great blasting through Jay's stereo.  Classic night and a classic song.

• Bean:  Red Hot Chili Peppers - "Suck My Kiss."  Ben's musical tastes started freshman year with  Eric Clapton and The Grateful Dead; by senior year it had evolved into Lenny Kravitz and The Red Hot Chili Peppers.  When freshmen stole Ben's hamsters, he figured out their voicemail password and horrified their parents; I think this song was playing in the background, but that could be a total lie.  The final takeaway:  partially thanks to said freshman parental horror, the hamsters were swiftly returned, and some of you learned a valuable life lesson:  don't mess with seniors.  This still puts me right back in my dorm room senior year.

• Bubba:  Anthrax - "Bring the Noise."  This was a toss up between Anthrax, Nirvana, L.A. Guns, and the Go-Go's.  If you know Bubba, you'll realize I'm not kidding.  We used to slamdance to this tune in our dorm room.  (But it was really cool, I assure you.  Not dorky at all.)  Our part of the dorm was torn down two years later due to "irreparable structural damage.  Probably a coincidence.

• BA:  Naughty by Nature - "O.P.P."  Besides being the object of adapted lyrics like "Ain't Gonna Hurt Brad's Mommy" or "I've Had Enough of Brad's Mom," BA turned his freshman obsession with Kool Moe Dee's "Go See the Doctor" into a senior year music infatuation with Naughty by Nature.  It's timeless.  Well, sort of.  Just don't ask him to dance to it.  

• TC:  The Police - "So Lonely."  Besides bringing "Safety/Doorknob" to school, Tim introduced us to the song we played at every party we ever threw.  Did it seem odd to see 10 guys chugging at a specific spot in a song that's all about loneliness?  Probably not.  Probably not.

• Salami, er, Snilch:  Bob Mould - "It's Too Late."  If you read any of my reviews, this should not be a surprise.  One of my favorite songs ever, and the one that really sparked my interest in finding great but obscure music.  And I still love it as much today as I did when it came out 21 years ago.

• Turner House:  Seal - "Crazy."  Our MWF schedule 2nd semester senior year staggered so that the five of ended up playing this album in its entirety five times a day.  We could not figure out why everyone else who lived near us hated this album, until we figured out that this was how our schedule has magically settled.  And that was in April.  A self-described mutant, Seal provided the soundtrack for our senior year.

Appearances have been altered to protect the innocent

How does this soundtrack hold up today?  Well, our focus group of three will find out this weekend.  Early odds will be that the songs will hold up just fine.  Our tolerance, on the other hand, is likely to be another matter entirely.

- Snilch

Avenged Sevenfold - Nightmare (2010)

When I played this for Mrs. Snilch Report, I asked, "Who do you think recommended this?"  It took her about 5 seconds.  This is a classic Bubba album for sure.  

Think of some Metallica fan who watched a ton of Metalocalypse (on Cartoon Network, if you're not familiar), and wishes he could sound like the guy from Queensryche or Axl Rose.  For as cheesy as this could be, it's really not; it's better than most of the current metal wanna-be's.  But it's got a low ceiling, as it's more brute force than finesse.  Best used for psyching up your frat for Keg Wars, getting back at your annoying neighbors, or torturing suspected insurgents in your basement.

CD Placement Rating:  CD Rack.

Back... finally

Yes, here we are at the start again at The Snilch Report.  We're going to try something different this time around -- we'll be posting every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday until my attention wanes again (probably by Friday).  The Whiskey Dregs is no more (at least for music reviews), so this is where you will see stuff from me for the time being.

Please adjust your social calendars accordingly.
  
- Snilch